i have been being poured out over, anew by the spirit of God the last few days. i came expecting at the women's conference at Family, but had no CLUE what the Lord was going to do. i always get a sense when God is about to do something in me. this time - NO IDEA!
each session built on the one before. the first, falling into God's arms. a trust exercise that i have ALWAYS failed at before, i flew completely backwards - thank goodness my partner caught me, but i wasnt even falling into her arms - until she threw me up, i really felt like it was the Lord who was behind me catching me. completely fallen - completely - into his arms. what beauty. so much freedom and release.
this weekend was a time to move in my giftings in God and watch it take a new form. i have felt very clear in seeing the chains that bind people. my burning passion is for freedom for people and that they wouldn't have to carry around these constrains. i can see it on people. i can see the roots and chains, i can give them a name. fear, bitterness, rebellion - whatever.... i can read it on their faces & in their eyes, i can LITERALLY feel their pain in my soul. i have been stuck for so long not knowing quite how to silence the screaming for freedom inside of me for them. at times it can be maddening - to have a gift and not have a clue how to make it work at its full capacity. learning that LOVE (thank you Jaime!) can break the bonds inside me that keep me from loosening it. to know that i see things for a reason, that i have the power in the spirit to take down those strongholds and breathe new life on people. the Lord has been speaking to me so many times over the past few months, Ez. 37 - where you prophesy to the dead bones.... i have been praying trying to see what God means, then it came into play.
we have the power as ministers of his Spirit, to breathe on the dead. those that are spiritually wounded and raped. those that are bound and tied. to call out those spirits and command release. to speak LIFE over them, and watch the spirit move. so often i thought I had to come up with the right words. somehow if I would listen better, or I would press in more, or I would receive it right, it would flow better. HOW FREEEEEEEEEEEEEing to know, that it is not of me. it is a listening thing, and a waiting on god thing. the pressure of meeting the criteria of how i thought i had to be in order to be used by god was broken.
with the new mindset that GOD does the work (DUHH!) and a release of his power. i prophesied and called things out over people in a way like never before. a spirit of prophecy came over me several times and an annointing flowed from that absoluately astonished me.... i am the just the carrier of OIL, HE is the oil.... and it pours out of me....
i cannot even tell you.... words dont describe! there is nothing more intense than to partner with God. i have had to come to a new place of trust with him in that - i have to believe what i hear and speak out boldly.... god asked me to HIT a man in the head who had a headache there. i tried to argue with God and say, GOOODDDDD - I DONT WANT TO HIT HIM, that is is WIERD! but he asked - 'how far will you go in your obedience to see my spirit released.' so i patted his cute little bald head about 3 times somewhat softly. i said, WHEEW - there god, i did it! he said, hit him harder! (Again???) i just wacked.... i didnt know what i was doing, but when i did (obedience) - a new annointing that was so powerful flowed over me..... the man told me he had a vision of me. that a woman would come and rearrange the way that he was thinking - she would dig into his brain and rearrange old mindsets.... NOT ME - BUT HIS POWER IN ME....
it is too powerful for words.... i cannot even say what the heck is going on, but i know that i love this. THIS IS WHAT I WAS CREATED FOR! these are the things that count. the things that really matter. the calling - the ministry - not the job of pastor or minister, that is not the ministry i mean. but the ministry of the gospel that we have been commissioned with. i came home, and annointed my home.... i poured over my son 'new wine', and imparted giftings over my little 10 year old warrior. next thing i know, he was laying me out on the floor exercising his new power in Christ.....
something has shifted. i dont know what it all means, nor do i think i want to. it takes away the power when i try and 'figure it out'. all i know is that life with Jesus, is better than any drug, any high and so much more fulfilling than anything else life.
doctored, now doctoring....
shelly
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