But that is just the surface see the lord spoke to me a week ago and said that I needed to fast prior to this doing the "daniel diet" and since then nothing but a constant battle has been going on both sides of the supernatural where I find myslef completely dependant on the lord because their have been so many people who have been unrelyable and hard to talk to that its just became something I am used to aside that in doing something like this is because I want to go beyond what most have decided to do that is be at church and then go about their lives what god has wanted for me in what hasnt been done in a while at church is to experiance the holy spirit "fullness" so that the power of it can shine thru but since i have been hindered with people of all kinds... the fact that I know that both I and my situation are intimidating I know that god has given me the ability to handle anything&it just so happens their have been just a few blessings in my life that truely know of wherei am at, the situations as of many i have faced in the past;being homeless, emotionallly abused and forced to call the cops on my own family for trying to hurt me in ways that I will never be able to understand fully,watching my brother fight for his life then come out a miracle then see it happen all over again and then hear he saw jesus at his death....so when this man came in to sight all I could think of was The enemie knew all that I have takin and can take .. so how was he to stop me...by putting me in a supernatrual situation that the devil himself knew was to appear in a time i was tired and had no one around.... so I became scared for his mercy, and I prayed, I thought about calling for prayer but it struck me that god said no just me...
Well I had no idea what was gonna happen but I knew that I had to trust god at that moment to lead me and then suddenly a girl appeared down alongside me and so I followed his direction....by this time my legs were aching and my ankle was sore really i could run for days but this was restraining me...I looked behind me and he was up on this turrance but as i turned around he stopped and looked at me..This gave me a jolt and suddenly the holy spirit said "GO"...so I ran and as fast as I could when finally a man on a bike appeared and I told him of this man and what do you know He never saw him.....!
So when it comes to despiration.....it is in things like this that drive us to the lord or we simply freeze up and just fortuantly with the experiance of losing my brother and the ones that have tryied so much as to take me down, their has been a set in stone trust in the lord that I never thought I would have but has been formed due to having these sort of things happen to where each and every test puts me a step closer then before... and as I fast these things will keep coming that which is bringing me into a deeper and more intimate relatiosnhip with him each day ......sometimes I envy others who have it easier, who have it all who call themselves christians....but then looking at their character to say they are missing the big picture because although these trials can be exhausting if something like today where to happen tomorw what would you do...could you handle it..?..cause nothing will stop me even if it death..nothing!!!!..and after all we arent supposed to want things of this world..so thank you lord for guiding me thru this obsticle once again completely bringing me sustaining faith, and thanks to your strongholds for you lord they are tranforming me into someone I knew i was but couldnt had possibly figured out years ago..a woman of god who by the death of your son and my brother who decided that a body full of cancer was beyond his control, you have led me to greatness in my work where i am able to change and bring children closer to you lord and because of these things you have me destined for a journey with you that requires my immediate attention which you know is exactly what I want..thank you.thankyou..thankyou
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