[revival-fire] Cabin by the Lake

******* REVIVAL FIRE!!! *******    

This is from Dezaree Finch:     I woke up at 5 am this morning to go to the restroom, still feeling on fire and the joy of the Lord from last night. And when I tried to go back to sleep, the thought kept coming to me "let them know what I have done" and I said "Nah" and then I had all my excuses not to write this email. And I guess you can say that I was wrestling with God, because for 67 minutes this conversation went on and God ended up winning because I could not go back to sleep!   So, I am assuming that we all have heard many people talk about the wilderness period, right? Well, what about the beautiful, tranquil cabin by the lake period? I don't think I have ever heard that preached. It almost makes you wonder if it even exists. Well, since beginning the School of Ministry at Family Christian Center I feel like I am in that period, hanging out with Jesus on the cabin porch, while he tells me how much he loves me, corrects the wrongs, with our legs kicked up on a lounge chair, watching the ducks go by on the lake. And he is showing me the meaning of being content during tribulations, because he has not just simply brought me out of things; he has picked me up in his Jesus Limo, had a meal ready for me in the car, and has screamed out "let's go!"  Really.   I began the school with absolutely no money. In fact, if I remember that week correctly, we had about a negative $300 in our account. But God had been telling me to go for a year now (so, the 67 minutes this morning was not too bad). I was so hungry for God and wanted more of him. I was not allowed to go to church as a child and just this year I really began to read his word and I wanted more! I knew my calling, I saw it being built up, and I wanted more! And you know, up until beginning school, I did not even know what "ministry" meant. And I would say to myself, well I don't want to be a pastor or anything like that-and I don't believe God is calling me to do that, I just want more! Not knowing that my husband and I already had several ministries taking place. It was this deep hunger. And I remember talking to someone and asking for prayer and a prophetic word a few days before class was going to start and I began to cry and felt this heaviness because it felt like if I did not go that it would be a complete mistake, but I was still struggling with "how" and "what will they say or think". You ever get that deep feeling when you know you are about to do something wrong? So, I got this feeling when I would think of not going and it would eat me up. And then I heard Bonnie Chavda say "You are Christian, stop your weeping!" and then I heard Martin Scott say "God is asking: who is going to take responsibility, he is not asking for you to come up with the way". And so I had some conversations with people, got some comfort, and decided the evening before that I was going.   God déjà vu's with new endings: ·         When I told others that I felt I should go, people would tell me, "well, if it is from God you will receive the tuition like a miracle". Innocent comments, no bad intentions meant. Well, guess what, I did not receive the tuition and I could have stopped there and said "well, maybe it is not God then and not meant for me to go" (which I actually did think for awhile). But, the next week, not knowing my situation, someone says "don't expect God to just drop the tuition money in your lap and then that be your sign that you are supposed to be at the school, because God works in many ways".  God déjà vu with new ending!    ·         So, I had an amount ($150) that I needed to pay to the school immediately that I just did not have, but I knew at this point that I needed to be at the school and I said to the staff "okay, I will have it to you next week", not really knowing how, but I knew it would happen. That week, my supervisor writes me an unexpected check titled "stipend" (I still don't know why she thinks she gave it to me) for $165. I knew that I was not going to be receiving a paycheck this month because I did not make enough profit (I am a Marriage and Family Therapist intern). $150 went to the school; $15 went to our Ford Ranger gas tank (I drive from Davis to Orangevale). And when you look up the word "stipend" it means a gift, settled compensation for services. God translation: Here is my gift to you, I am glad we have settled your fight not to go and I will compensate you for "taking responsibility". Does anyone see that?   ·         I found out, I believe the second day of school, that one of my former client's had died. And I felt terrible because random thoughts of him would come to my mind three weeks prior and I never thought to pray for him. I had learned over the last couple of years that when someone comes to my thoughts that I should pray for them, whether it be in a dream, etc. And as I almost mastered this concept this year, it was great to see my prayers answered and people transforming. But, that thought never came up with him. So, when I got the news, I remember saying to myself and thinking "gosh, that is too bad, Lord bless his family". And I was fine. But, as I kept on thinking about it and kept on talking about, I felt worse. And this is the truth: by that evening I had 99.9% convinced myself that I had killed him because I did not pray for him. And I felt like I had disappointed God. How many know this is not God? And then Bill Dew begins to pray for everyone and come up to them. And as he is about to come up to me he begins to ask God to heal us. And he says "Lord, (then after he says that he places his hands on mine and continues to say) it's about what you did for Sami" and continues to walk away to the person next to me and continue what he was asking God. This was my client's name. I felt like God said to me "stop focusing on what you did not do for Sami and focus on what you did do, because that is what I see".   ·         I believe either the first or second day of school someone says to me "I really like you and your husband". And this blew me away. And I remember the thought coming in "ha ha, wait until he really get's to know you, ha, ha, ha". How many know that this is not God either? I cannot recall the last time anyone has ever said that to me and that simple phrase blessed me so much. And it was like a river of love just filled up within me and I was able to pour it out that day on others and hear so clearly how got felt about a few people. I mean, how often do you hear that you are liked? Really? We try to tell people how much we love them, appreciate something that they have done, yatti yatti yatta, but how often do you hear that you are liked?   ·         My husband and I had this problem that we were dealing with for the first year of our marriage and we kept it private for awhile because it was kindof embarrassing and we did not want a negative responses or negative advice on what others felt was "wrong" with us. And I remember feeling one day that I needed to tell someone in order to get someone else praying for us. So I did and the person was bothered that I told them and told me that they might tell someone else to better pray over the situation. This hurt my feelings. Well, recently, someone from the school asked me how was the first year of our marriage and I hesitated telling her because I did not want to shock her too, but I said that it was good, except for this area that we needed to work on. Well, this person completely understood where I was coming from, did not get offended from me telling them, and told me "Oh, and I will keep this confidential". And I trust she has been praying for us because we have been blessed! God déjà vu with new ending!   ·         It has been said in the past that my emails can be offensive (please forgive me if this one is) and it is a poor way for me to communicate (hence, the hesitance for me to write this email). And while in school, not knowing this has been said to me, someone says "I really enjoy receiving emails from you". Blessed again! God déjà vu with new ending! All things are made new!!!!!!   ·         The school announces that we are going to pizza and we should try to contribute $5. I remember telling someone that day that I do not think I am going because I do not have the money, and I don't even think I finished my sentence before she proclaimed "I will pay for you!" with great joy. Then someone else a few hours later, turns around and says "here is $5 for your pizza". Now, I have a really hard time with this because at this point I feel like a hand-out, if that is the right phrase, where I am depending on others to pay for things and I do not have. And I know that it is pride, because whenever anyone needs anything, my husband and I will provide, so why would I have a hard time receiving? How many know this is not God, either? And the week of the conference I had a lot of anxiety because I knew I needed to drive because I did not think there were enough cars, but I could barely put gas in the tank to make it to school, let alone San Francisco now. And I remember talking to my husband the night before, and when he hears from God, everyone listen! Because he really hears from God and he is not this person walking around giving words of knowledge all the time, it's rare and it is powerful when he tells me "I feel like God…….."  So, he says to me "I feel like God has called you to this school and he is going to make a way for you to have gas to drive to San Francisco". And I told him "I am not asking anyone for money Kenathius!" (that was my pride kicking in). And so I didn't ask and I just drove to the school where we were going to meet and my plan was for me to overdraft the account if the half of tank did not make us there and back (I know, funny). And then we are trying to figure out who is going to drive and someone asks if they wanted to take their car. That person says "no, but I will give gas to anyone who needs it" and asks me if I needed gas money and hands me $20. Is that not God or what??!!!!!! The Lord continues to bless me that day through others and provides meals for me! And additionally, it dawns on me, I have a pride issue and God is working on that by having me depend on others. And symbolically, the others are older precious folks, and it feels like God is replacing that motherly and fatherly love I never had because he is my mom and dad now working through others. Déjà vu with a new ending!   ·         Beyond, Stacy Campbell, I really did not know who was going to be speaking at the conference. And I remember sending out an email telling people to go because "Stacy Campbell, The Banov's, and this Chris dude" were going to be speaking. And when Kris began to speak, I said "oh, I remember him, he spoke at Family Christian Center". And it brought back a memory of when he spoke because he mentioned that he liked Christian counselors instead of secular counselors and the person sitting next to me was then congratulated for being a Christian counselor ("yeah!") by the guy behind him and he then turned around and said "yeah" too to this guy. And how many know I was hurt again because I was completely not acknowledged? So, yesterday, Kris begins to preach on the same message and makes the same comment about Christian counselors (unbelievable!). And from behind me, I hear Shelly say "Yeah Dezi!" And we were seated exactly the same way as I was when he preached this at Family Christian Center. And moments after she said that, the school had decided that we were leaving because we had already heard this message and it was late.. Déjà vu with new ending! All things are made new! And isn't it awesome when God heals you on the spot!? I could have been the counselor, going to counseling for rejection issues, but he just blasted me last night!!!! Amen!   ·         Winnie begins to preach and she had, at the time what I felt to be, an annoying phenomenon where she would say something and say "hoooooooo". And it was her either exclamation point or her "the church needs to get it right" ending sound "hooooooooooo". And when we left the church last night I would say something and an uncontrollable, unconscious, "hooooooo" would come out. The person I was driving with said "you picked up Winnie's anointing, huh?" And I said, I cannot believe this and told her how I felt it was annoying when Winnie was doing it. And it was like God slapped me on the face ("bam!") and said "I'll show you being annoyed at one of my anointed children, try to control this from the Holy Spirit!" And I loved it! And you know what, it added power and revelation to what I was saying! Up until last night I had never received any uncontrollable movements or sounds like that! But I could not control this, and it felt great!!!! Déjà vu with a new ending!            Isn't God awesome! And you know what, he has done so much more, but this email is already super long! I hope that you have been blessed by it!   Love, Dezaree Finch

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