******* REVIVAL FIRE!!! *******
Since starting school of ministry last week, my whole life has been flattened! And, this is good....
God seems to be coming at me from every angle. From new parenting skills (these were desperately needed) in certain situations with my kids, to aligning my husband & I in new ways - removing enemy tactics that used to stop our anointing flow, to showing me how to WAR in love (what a concept!), now to a supernatural exposure to healing. (and we only finished week 2!)
I have always thought, God you say I can heal, why doesn't anything happen when I pray for people to get healed? It really bugged me. Then, Bill & Carol Dew came to minister to our school today, and she went into a description of healing. The thing I learned is that God uses me more so in INNER healing with others. I had completely discounted this healing aspect! To further it along - she described how to walk in an atmosphere of healing as well as practical steps to minister. As she was describing things, I was going through my own course of healing. My tooth which has been bugging me for a long time, close to a year - has gotten worse recently (actually since starting school!). As she showed us as a class what to watch for - and ways to minister, it was being acted out in my tooth pain... It was incredible - that God gave me a step by step of how the process goes - as more than words but an actual healing in my mouth b efore she described each step.
At the end of our time with them, we were prayed for and I was slammed! I felt like I flew back, but I don't quite know for sure. As I was on the ground, God showed me that he was birthing something in me.... I literally felt like I was in childbirth (absent the intense back pain), but actually birthing something. He showed me how He wanted me to do certain things, where it would end up, who would be the ones to work with, and ways of deliverance. He showed me in the course of a few minutes so much, I felt like my head was spinning or reading a computer screen at super fast motion, and all the things he showed me were fast and intense. The pictures of young girls who don't get their worth, boys and their walls, parentless children, a younger generation that is dying for something more! Before I would grasp something some thing would pop up on the other side, they just kept coming, and coming, a nd com ing…. I am filled with tears as I even write this. It is too much to try and share.
The equipping that He delivered unto me makes total sense in my spirit, but my mind cannot wrap around the concept. I am truly swimming in the presence of God.
I had to leave for work, but was too wasted (in the spirit) to drive. But somehow he got me there. I kept waiting to be able to walk straight, but it never happened so I had to leave for work. Once there, sitting at my desk - trying to pretend not to be completely hammered by the Holy Ghost, while the office & my boss walked through making small talk. hahahaha.... It reminded me of teenage years when I would pretend not to be hammered so my parents wouldn't know! HAH.
I always wondered what people meant when they would say - 'I am ruined!' My mind would be think, it cannot possibly be that intense - because it never stayed long enough for me to understand it. But now I am going on hour 5, wasted, and shaking, crying and laughing. At my desk, in my law office, trying to focus & be normal, when nothing about me is NORMAL right now.
I get it. Now - I too am ruined. To be over the top - and too far gone to come back... I get it. Bring it God, I am willing!
Shelly Egan
RCSSM - 1st year
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